better

It's sooo nice to feel peace and serenity after a loooong week of frustrations and conflicts...





i just feel so calm and quite happy.

thoughtbubble

i think it's just frustrating when you feel something this intense. and you have no friggin idea why. and you HAVE to holdback because it might scare people away.
People have told me to take a chill pill and relax. Don't push it too hard. Don't be so available. Don't let them take power over you. Don't be this Don't be that. There are lotssssssss of rules. It may be annoying at times.. but I guess it's because they just want to protect me. They know how vulnerable I can be once I let my heart out there in the open...they've seen how my heart has been beaten to a pulp...Though I'm still trying to find out if i am a Masochist or just plain stupid because I don't mind being hurt. As long as it was worth it. (or so I thought) and i will end up wallowing in my own black hole...bawling my eyes out for days... telling everybody that I AM SUPER over it. But still thinking about it every now and then BUT not that often.. and still trying to picture out every scenario i could imagine when he comes back to me. AND when it finally happens. the thing that I've been constantly imagining about. I TURN COLD. numb. I dont have the interest anymore. I really don't want it anymore. I just want the IDEA that i want it. but infact. I really dont want it... and i hate myself for that..
Maybe I just want those things that are elusive to me. Those that can give me challenges. Those that are broken that needs to be mended..Those hopeless cases. SO yeah. hands down. Stupidity won.

bore

I've been too lazy to update this blog.

I've been too lazy to do anything.

I don't know what to do with this "Free Time" on my hand. I am homebound. Can't go out that much since I want to help out here in our home. and of course.. no more allowance.. so I REALLY CAN'T GO OUT. I'm trying to rearrange my room, clean the house, do the laundry, wash the dishes, and cook for ate while waiting for the results. and i hope to God favorable ang results sa akin... Anyway. I don't really know why I'm updating this blog besides the fact that I'm super duper bored. I wan't to finish my scrap book. I want to clean my closet. I want to clean every show in the house. I want to have a house party for my friends. (Catherine... when are you planning to go to my house?) since I haven't seen them for over a month now... I need to have a vacation. A getaway. An escapade. And I can only have that.. IF and only IF i'll pass the board exams. How the hell can i have fun when every friggin second.. i am worrying about the results. sooo. there. im stuck here. bleeding my eyes out watching prisonbreak reruns and DVD marathons... reading those books that i've set aside while reviewing... cooking breakfasts and dinners... updating blogs , friendsters , chatting with old friends and classmates through YM. (thank heavens for YM!) .. so there ...

I'm too lazy to end this shizznit..