a change is gonna come

I chopped of my hair. goodbye long locks. but it's not THAT short. but i think people can tell the difference right away. i'd look like a tomboy again! i just needed to change something..anything concrete! it was a great feeling when A.C chopped my locks..gumaan kaagad ang pakiramdam ko! literally and emotinally.. so tama daw bang pagbalingan ang buhok! but i almost, always do that... my hair suffers from whatever emotional drawback that im in..well the first line of defense are my cd and mp3 collections.. sobrang dami na ang gasgas from playing songs over and over and over again.haaay.

im going to start jogging again.. kasi i gained back all the weight that i lost last year ( hanggang march of this year ). hindi ko pa nga nari reach ang goal ko.. may setback na kaagad. but that's ok. i can deal with this. tinamad din kasi ako.. wala na akong kasama mag jog.. my jogging buddy / sister eh umalis na.. so.. sabay kaming mag jogging pero ibang time zones. hehe. then next best thing eh si deandin.. pero ang layo na nya. kasi wala ng review.. tapos ung mga *ehem*.. i learned my lesson not to jog with someone cute. kasi they tend to distract me and people around me..
(sigeee. maghanap ng rason!) and siguro its time na for me to do things on my own. i always rely on people to do things for me and to be with me every step of the way.. maybe that's a part of the reason why it's so hard for me to be alone. but as you know.. im trying to change all that. i want to be a better person. (naks)

samahan na lang ng maraming dasal.. kaya yan! :D

it's purely frustratig when you have all the time (and the inspiration) in the world to write and Blogger wont freakin' load up in your computer.. and now that im rushing to get tons of things done.. Blogger came back to life! arrgh!

Closing Cycles by Paulo Coelho

Let me share with you this beautiful piece by one of my favorite authors... im pretty sure a lot of you can relate to this. :)

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.