a change is gonna come

I chopped of my hair. goodbye long locks. but it's not THAT short. but i think people can tell the difference right away. i'd look like a tomboy again! i just needed to change something..anything concrete! it was a great feeling when A.C chopped my locks..gumaan kaagad ang pakiramdam ko! literally and emotinally.. so tama daw bang pagbalingan ang buhok! but i almost, always do that... my hair suffers from whatever emotional drawback that im in..well the first line of defense are my cd and mp3 collections.. sobrang dami na ang gasgas from playing songs over and over and over again.haaay.

im going to start jogging again.. kasi i gained back all the weight that i lost last year ( hanggang march of this year ). hindi ko pa nga nari reach ang goal ko.. may setback na kaagad. but that's ok. i can deal with this. tinamad din kasi ako.. wala na akong kasama mag jog.. my jogging buddy / sister eh umalis na.. so.. sabay kaming mag jogging pero ibang time zones. hehe. then next best thing eh si deandin.. pero ang layo na nya. kasi wala ng review.. tapos ung mga *ehem*.. i learned my lesson not to jog with someone cute. kasi they tend to distract me and people around me..
(sigeee. maghanap ng rason!) and siguro its time na for me to do things on my own. i always rely on people to do things for me and to be with me every step of the way.. maybe that's a part of the reason why it's so hard for me to be alone. but as you know.. im trying to change all that. i want to be a better person. (naks)

samahan na lang ng maraming dasal.. kaya yan! :D

it's purely frustratig when you have all the time (and the inspiration) in the world to write and Blogger wont freakin' load up in your computer.. and now that im rushing to get tons of things done.. Blogger came back to life! arrgh!

Closing Cycles by Paulo Coelho

Let me share with you this beautiful piece by one of my favorite authors... im pretty sure a lot of you can relate to this. :)

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

hollow nut

It's difficult to write a blog when you dont have anything to say or to share. sometimes... life can get TOO boring.. that you cant even write anything on a pathetic blog.

But there also comes a time that too many interesting things has happened.. too many events occured.. too many emotions have been juggled that i cant even put those things into words no matter how badly i wanted to share them with other people here..is this a validation of my incapacity to write? ha = ha =P


**
i have realized that i am not a DOer just like george and izzie.

I just need something to happen, I need a sign that things are going to change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope!

- Meredith Grey

---

the post Something is Missing has been removed by me since im thinking that the person on that article may actually read it and with the way that he is acting now.. he doesn't deserve to see what i've written there...who knows.. when things get better.. i may post it again.. some other day.

---

Something is Missing

Have you ever had that moment when you missed someone so much that by the time that see them, you get caught up with your overwhelming emotions that you begin to pick a fight?

I do. and i hated it. i dont know what got into me and did that.. I am the kind of person that is not comfortable telling someone " I MISSED YOU".. because most of the time saying this will blow things out of proportion.. and i dont want that. i also dont like to tell someone i miss them/ or i'll be missing them.. because i dont want to feel vulnerable at the far end of the line. it happened to me once a looong time ago.. and i, for sure don't want to feel that way again. I want to be careful now and it drives me crazy... actually.. i have no idea why i'm so affected by this.

They say that it's good to be missed. But do they have any idea of the feelings of the person that is missing someone? They feel incomplete. because something is missing. and it frustrates them on what to do with that feeling..

Maybe im acting like this because i only know what it feels like to miss something.. and not to be missed by you.

--------
i would like to apologize to you for behaving like that earlier this day.
im not mad. im frustrated. i missed you.

Kids

It's great to be in front of the computer again!! while my nephew Miguel is still sleeping..(and he'll probably wet his Pampers and cry in about 30 minutes i presume) i snuck out here in the room to catch on my emails and stuff while there's still time left for me to do that...I've been taking care of him for the past 30 hours na..2 months and 7 days old...and He is the cutest little thing in the world!! but he cries a LOT and POOPS a LOT too!! He can generate a super nasty poopoo. huhu. I haven't had enough sleep.. and he cries in the middle of the night.. i could never get cranky at him.. how can I? when he flashes me with that really big super sweet toothless smile.. and if im really lucky.. he can even giggle at some point. it drives me crazy! hehehe. he knows how to stop my bad mood.. :P I have a preview on what it's like to be a parent. and i sure want to be one someday.. but not now.. that's for sure.. and by the way.. last tuesday.. His big sister Harriet and Mommy Gra had a food preparation presentation sa school.. it was really fun seeing ate and hart preparing food. I also saw Hearts "soulmate" sa kakulitan.. Ian, very cute and very talkative.. he's like Dennis the Menace of their class.. of course.. Harriet is the female counterpart.
here are some pictures of the school event.

This is Harriet and Ate Grace preparing the "Super Sarap Special Tunaaa Sandwich!"





GO GO GOOOO!!!

This is Ian and his Ate Shane preparing "Chef Ian's Yummy Egg Sandwich"







- when Ate and Hart were in front... Ian was shouting.. Go Harriet!! Go Harriet!! like crazy! =)
- while preparing the sandwich.. Hart tried to eat the one she was making.. hehehe. it was hilarious!!
- Chef Ian's Yummy Egg Sandwich WON first prize! He had a BIG smile pasted on his face when the judges gave him the medal.



little kids playing with cellphones.. as if they actually know how to use it. hehe adeek.



They posed like that at the same time! nobody was coaching them on what to do. hehehe. Goofing around! super kids! supeeer kuleeet!

it was a really fun day.. by the way.. i had my wisdom tooth removed.. well 1 out of 4 was removed last tuesday.. and surprisingly.. it didnt hurt much at all! i was so scared because of the stories i have heard from other people that getting their wisdom tooth extracted was one of the most painful things they have undergone.. since this was my first time ( a virgin!) to have a tooth removed from me... i was expecting to have a really bad time dealing with the pain this was going to give me.. but.. alas! in less than 10 minutes.. it was over! yaaaay!! i have to come back next month for the second wisdom tooth to be removed.. 1 month interval for each tooth. haaay.. all i have to endure now is too eat soft foods like congee for the next 3-5 days.. yay on ice cream! i have an excuse to eat ice drops.. or anything cold for that matter to help ease on the swelling and the wound part.. the dentist gave me my wisdom tooth back... ate said it's gross. but i think it's a nice souvenir! haahaha. i'll post a picture next time.. all i can show you now is my xray..



see that? number 3 was the sucker that was first taken out.. =)

and by the way.. i was supposed to post this yesterday.. but then.. my nephew woke up every 15 minutes.. and i did'nt have time time to finish this thing up. Good thing.. the helper finally came.. weeee! so here. posting my late post... =)

Okay.. update

1. Go to UST for reservations
2. Buy lettuce
3. Go to St. Francis to cheer for Harriet and ate. (GOOO GOO GOOOO!)
4. Go the dentist (huhu)
5. Rest

P.S
you can view Dean's entry in Sony Ericsson's Topshot contest link here It's on page 4 and his entry is called "SEEN". Goodluck with that. =)

Seee youuuu.

Take a shot

I would soooo love to be a photographer some day. Well.. I'm one of those wannabes and trying hard to be a photographer. Ate Con and I made a promise na once na "nakaluwag" na kami.. and everything is settled (like after grad) the first thing na bibilhin namin is one bad ass camera. ung may long lense and everything. kasi we both have this penchant for taking pictures. kahit inanimate objects pinagdidiskitahan namin. and maalala ko pala. Dean has a GREAT passion about photography. Matagal nya nang dream ang maging isang photographer... I remember.. he was soooo excited with his new camera he took pictures of anything (like bulbs, benches, people, plants) at the mall... he did'nt know that he needed a permit to do that. security people thought he was sent by the competitors to spy around the area. hahaha. luckily.. the personnel who talked to him was nice and understood that Dean is just one excited son of a gun with a camera. and they let him go unscathed... He was talking about it for weeks! Gawd. He'd do anything for photography. And i wish him all the best. Pero shempre.. pag nag aral ka dun.. sama mo ako ha? hehehe
So anyway.. for now.. i think it's okay to admire other peoples work. They are pretty blessed to have this talent. I share ko lang ang mga magagandang works of art nila. =)




























by the way. these gorgeous photographs were taken by dreamilluzion of Flickr. Check him out! great work kiddo! =)

About Feist

Feist. One of my favorite artists of the moment.. I just love her sweet voice and simple lyrics. Upbeat tunes too. Easy to listen to. was hooked when i heard her single "Tout Doucement". i instantly loved it. I don't know much about Feist, except that she's Canadian and she totally refused a million dollar offer of McDonalds to use/ or buy one of her single for a commercial. now what was thaaaaaat about? anyway.. let me just share another song of Feist's. and this is called...

xx
One Evening

The evening was long, my guesses were true
You saw me see you
That something you said, the timing was right
The pleasure was mine

The time and the place, the look on your face
Sincerest of eyes

If you're ready or not, the state of our hearts
There's no time to take

When we started both brokenhearted
Not believing
It could begin and end in one evening

We were caught by the light
Held on to the day till it became ours
The minutes went by, the cab is outside
There's no time to take

When we parted, moving on
And believing it could begin and end in one evening

When we started both brokenhearted
Not believing it could begin and end in one evening
When we parted, moving on
And believing it could begin and end in one evening

xx

Papapapa Papapa Papapaaaaaaaaa.. (dances and twirls like crazy) hehehe.

aylaykeeeeet! ^_^

New page

So ok. I changed the look of my blog. My previous cover was nice but i think it was too safe. or should i say boring. This one is quite cheesy though.(cheesy ball mood.) hehehe. I'm gonna miss it though. But enough of that.. I just want to move on and move forward from this..

Change is good.
and most of the time scary... but as i have learned from these past few months. change is just a normal process. everybody has to go through with it. at some point no matter how small or drastic that change is.

A fresh graduate like me experienced one of the most drastic changes in my life. for almost 15 years.. i was used to going to school everyday... doing tons of school work, cramming for exams, finishing projects, conducting researches, doing clinical duties and of course.. having "baon" (allowance) everyday. For 15 years i was juggling those things. and i thought i could never get out of it. and then graduation came. i was one of those people who were pretty emotional when graduation came because i knew that this was something BIG. i was scared.

I was scared because i knew that after this graduation. I will be part of the society. Living in the "REAL WORLD". NO more excuses for being stubborn and misbehaving. I should learn how to be a "RESPONSIBLE" person. and that was BIG for me..

I also made a decision to let go all of the burdens that has been holding me back from moving forward. How can i welcome change if my hands is full of things that i refuse to let go of? It won't do me any good. I have accepted that there is nothing that can be changed with what happened in the past. what i can do is to lead my way TODAY. to command what can happen to me NOW. i am GRATEFUL for what has happened and Hopeful for what the future will bring to my life.... Life has so much to offer me. and I am grateful for all the chances it has given me. So I better WORK my ass off this time.

Slowly I'm starting to learn those things.. not all of them at the same time though.. it will surely take time...but hey. I have all the time that i need. and loved ones who are with me each step of the way! =)

sleepyhead

this has been a crazy week for me.

My nephew was admitted to the hospital and stayed there for about 4 days.. shempre kasama ako magbantay. haaay. super nakakaawa naman. ang bata bata pa na hospitalized na kaagad. thank goodness he is doing great now and nadischarge na rin..

so anyway. i haven't had enough sleep but still i want to post this before i get tamad again.. my good friend ara and i went to lunch at trinoma! it was my first time to go there and golly.. it was a HUGE mall!! i was sooo excited for this lunch coz i haven't seen her in about a month na!! because i was busy being a bum and she was busy with med school... mejo sad ng konti kasi dapat 5 of us were supposed to be there kaya lang.. Kenj nasa Isabela... Dean nasa bulacan and flooded pa daw ang mga streets dun.. and Benj.. i dunno. i have no update on mr. benjamin go. so. there. kaming 2 girlets lang ang nagkita... pero atleast super bonding and napagchismisan pa namin ung tatlong guys. hehehe. the staff in the resto was looking at us kasi we stayed there for like 3++ hours yata eating.. talking.. eating and chatting some more! we did'nt notice na we took so much time making kwento pala! and taking pictures din pala! haaaay. we talked about how different things are right now.. how we used to have so much fun and be silly during our college days... she;s still adjusting with med school...and the new environment there. i hope and pray that she does well on her exams. dinugo ng literal ang lola mo. nyahahaha.


these were our college days pics.


-- doing our "heart hands" hehehe with kenji

-christmas party sa classroom


-graduation day with our friends.


-sa brenner


-sa labas. hehehe

ayan na kami ngaun. haaaay.
is super missed her talaga. sana next time the whole gang will be there na. para complete kami...



gawwwd. i need to sleep na. i miss my bed.. i miss my sheets.. i miss him.. hayy. itutulog ko na lang to.

Elliot Yamin in MANILA!!!

SHETNESS!!!

ELLIOT YAMIN IS COMING HERE IN THE PHILIPPINES ON SEPTEMBER!!!!! i saw it in his blog in MYSPACE!!! as in! woooow!
He is definitely one of my faves in AI. he is soooooo great!!!!!!!!!

I CANT WAIT TO SEE HIM AND HEAR HIM PERFORM!!!!!
HIS ALBUM IS AMAZING!!!!!
weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!



hindi rin ako excited no? hahaha. wala lang! galing galing nya talaga. how i wish kasama na din si chris daughtry sa tour nya!now that would be AWESOME!!! for the meantime.. mag iipon muna ako ng pang gastos sa september... =)

almost happy

when you really want something so bad. you go for it. you have to HAVE it. you chase for it. and things just go crazy. But as i have learned this couple of months.. it's much better to sit back and chill and just go with the flow.it's a nice change. it is much better for things or events to come on their own without making it look and feel like your forcing things to go your way. and the result? better appreciation for things and more fullfillment on my part. I think it feels better if the good things happen unexpectedly..hey. don't get me wrong. my guards are still up and running. but hey.. it does'nt hurt to have pleasant surprises once in a while. =)


haaaaaaay. ^_^

better

It's sooo nice to feel peace and serenity after a loooong week of frustrations and conflicts...





i just feel so calm and quite happy.

thoughtbubble

i think it's just frustrating when you feel something this intense. and you have no friggin idea why. and you HAVE to holdback because it might scare people away.
People have told me to take a chill pill and relax. Don't push it too hard. Don't be so available. Don't let them take power over you. Don't be this Don't be that. There are lotssssssss of rules. It may be annoying at times.. but I guess it's because they just want to protect me. They know how vulnerable I can be once I let my heart out there in the open...they've seen how my heart has been beaten to a pulp...Though I'm still trying to find out if i am a Masochist or just plain stupid because I don't mind being hurt. As long as it was worth it. (or so I thought) and i will end up wallowing in my own black hole...bawling my eyes out for days... telling everybody that I AM SUPER over it. But still thinking about it every now and then BUT not that often.. and still trying to picture out every scenario i could imagine when he comes back to me. AND when it finally happens. the thing that I've been constantly imagining about. I TURN COLD. numb. I dont have the interest anymore. I really don't want it anymore. I just want the IDEA that i want it. but infact. I really dont want it... and i hate myself for that..
Maybe I just want those things that are elusive to me. Those that can give me challenges. Those that are broken that needs to be mended..Those hopeless cases. SO yeah. hands down. Stupidity won.

bore

I've been too lazy to update this blog.

I've been too lazy to do anything.

I don't know what to do with this "Free Time" on my hand. I am homebound. Can't go out that much since I want to help out here in our home. and of course.. no more allowance.. so I REALLY CAN'T GO OUT. I'm trying to rearrange my room, clean the house, do the laundry, wash the dishes, and cook for ate while waiting for the results. and i hope to God favorable ang results sa akin... Anyway. I don't really know why I'm updating this blog besides the fact that I'm super duper bored. I wan't to finish my scrap book. I want to clean my closet. I want to clean every show in the house. I want to have a house party for my friends. (Catherine... when are you planning to go to my house?) since I haven't seen them for over a month now... I need to have a vacation. A getaway. An escapade. And I can only have that.. IF and only IF i'll pass the board exams. How the hell can i have fun when every friggin second.. i am worrying about the results. sooo. there. im stuck here. bleeding my eyes out watching prisonbreak reruns and DVD marathons... reading those books that i've set aside while reviewing... cooking breakfasts and dinners... updating blogs , friendsters , chatting with old friends and classmates through YM. (thank heavens for YM!) .. so there ...

I'm too lazy to end this shizznit..

choices

All of life is but a mass of small choices--practical, emotional and intellectual--systematically organized for our greatness or grief. We can alter these choices one at a time, But we must never forget that it's not only our big dreams that shape reality...the small choices bear us irresistibly toward our destiny

-
Robert Cooper

Oprah's Advice About Men

Blooming na blooming kelan lang tapos ngayon... depressed depressan kayo? gggrrrr. WHAT'S UP WITH YOU GUYS?! Everything happens for a reason... we dont need to dwell on what that reason is for a looong time. What we need is to learn from it and move on. So everybody can be happy and free. Stole this from http://sugarcandypop.livejournal.com. SO TRUE talaga. so girls. Listen up este Read ON pala. =)

A note to Denny, Lindsay,Rei rei, Magel, Norie, Cathy, Ara, Aries, Angel, Ots =), to self and even to Dean! (hahaha.. applicable din sayo.) at sa lahat ng mga kababaihan. read up


Oprah's Advice About Men

* If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
* If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
* Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
* Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
* Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
* Slower is better.
* Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
* If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
* A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
* Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
* Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
* The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
* Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
* Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
* Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
* If something bothers you, speak up.
* Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
* You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.
* Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.
* Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
* Never let a man define who you are.
* Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
* A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
* All men are NOT dogs.
* You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is two way street.
* You need time to heal between relationships...
* There is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
* You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.
* Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
* Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.
* Never move into his mother's house.
* Never co-sign for a man.
* Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
* Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

4.10.07

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

3.26.07

random

Here's all you have to know about men and women:

women are crazy, men are stupid.

And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

- George Carlin

Brilliant!!

Sanjaya Vs. Leafoffaith

Sanjaya strikes again. Sanjaya, still singing on Idol.. while Stephanie Edwards, definitely one of the strong (and better) competitors on Idol was casted off...

I dont like Sanjaya when it comes to singing.. but I must admit he has a great smile. A charmer. But hey... Idol is a SINGING competition right? He can go here in the Philippines and join Pinoy Big Brother... for sure.. patok yang patweetums nya dito.

One time when I was watching Idol.. and when Sanjaya was onstage... Naalala ko si Calix... Baka long lost brother nya ito. hehehe.

heheheehehe. O db?! Metal Sanjaya yan. WALANG PANAMA SI SANJAYA JAN. (pwera lang dun sa curly tops) hhehehehhee.

peace tau lix. namiss lang kita. :D

busy bee

Time is creeping up so faaaaaaaaast.

LOTS of work to do.
LOTS of requirements to comply to.
LOTS of commitments to attend to
(and I might cancel some of them.. sooo sorry for that)

i am sooooooo disoriented and unorganized(?).

aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgh.

this too shall pass. hehehe

Fcuked up

You messed it up BIG TIME. Hindi gagana sa akin yang paawa effect mo.

Gawin mo kung ano gusto mong gawin. Wala akong pakialam.

Kanya kanya na tayo. Yan yata ang hinahanap mo eh.

O ayan. Saksak mo sa BAGA MO.

ang saya sayang maging JJ!!!

Kahit toxic sa duty...

Derecho sa aVenetto..after ng duty.. hehehe

o dba ang saya nameeen?!

ay laaaaab JJ! <3

for more pictures..and videos etc.. punta lang kayo sa www.junglejuicegroup.multiply.com

Freedom

Even if this thing wont work out.. (Kapit kay Lord..) I want to say thank you for making me realize that i can be happy again.. =) alam ko naman hindi mo to mababasa eh.. hehehe. no pretensions.. no hesitations. i had a wonderful and tiring (^_^) time with you... it was fun.

tutal nandito na tayo sa topic na ito. i also want to say that i think i am freed from You. at long last... now i can say that You are a part of my past... A past that is better to be remembered for the happy times..forget the crazy part. =)

no more grudges..

no more drama...

just bliss..

pure bliss.. =)

Goong Craze

weeeeeee!!

2 episodes na lang before matapos namin ang Goong!! (Princess Hours) yeeeeheeeey!! ang sayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! alaveeeeeeeet! ^_^v

hangkyotkyot talaga ni Yoon Eun Hye.. ^_^

eniwei.. sana makahanap ako ng magiging Lee Yool ko... haaaaaaay.(err..sana may ganun ka persistent at consistent na lalake sa totoong buhay no?!)